• JeeBaiChow@lemmy.world
    1 month

    Wait until it refuses to update after 3 years - ‘lol your toaster is now a legacy product. Buy our extended legacy support package’.

    • baltakatei@sopuli.xyz
      1 month

      Monopoly offers:

      • 250 USD toaster with no ads
      • 17 USD toaster with ads that only works with authorized bread distributors
      • Krelis_@sh.itjust.works
        1 month

        Subscription based, loaves becoming slightly smaller every year, fees bumped up every 2 years, toaster hardware obsolete in 5 years.

        Edit: every other bakery bought or gone burst, CEO paying lobbyists to make ovens illegal ‘to protect the children’.

        • Exec@pawb.social
          1 month

          You’ll be required to scan the barcode of the packaging of the bread to continue
          to validate if your bread is up to quality standards

          • schipelblorp@sh.itjust.works
            1 month

            Each slice will come with a disposable cryptowrapper that will be used by the toaster to validates the authenticity of the bread within.

            Given the high risk of deaths from house fires caused by toasting unregulated slices of black market bread–maybe inserted by unsuperivsed children–this is the most socially responsible path forward.

            • VicksVaporBBQrub@sh.itjust.works
              1 month

              🍞🎁This holiday season give a eToast gift carb! Unsolicitedly surprise your breadies with a reloadable gift card and a loaf they can use to toast ad-free or purchase a loaf of their own! 🍞🎁

      • RamenJunkie@midwest.socialEnglish
        1 month

        Fuck that, just get an old boxed sprimgs and wire it to a plug and warm it up by plugging it in.

  • eightpix@lemmy.world
    1 month

    Cory Doctorow wrote a series of short stories and this is the first one in the book. They just want toast.

    Fittingly, the book is called Radicalized.

    • pipes@sh.itjust.works
      1 month

      Unauthorized Bread is a tale of immigration, the toxicity of economic and technological stratification, and the young and downtrodden fighting against all odds to survive and prosper.

      So good and probably my favourite of the four stories

  • angstylittlecatboy@reddthat.comEnglish
    1 month

    If you buy a smart toaster that’s on you, not “2026.” Same with fridges. It’s not like TVs where it’s the cheaper option. This shit is not standard.

  • NigelFrobisher@aussie.zone
    1 month

    When you open the box for a waffle iron and there’s a big card saying “Hello” And an QR instead of a manual slip in twenty languages.

  • wrinkledoo@sh.itjust.works
    1 month

    I predict analogue methods of cooking are going to come back, if they aren’t already in the process.

    Lodge cast iron stock about to shoot through the roof. lmao.