Personal favorite is twat waffle
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- 10 months
They couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel
- 10 months
We have a similar one to this when someone is incompetent which is “They couldn’t organise a pissup in a brewery”.
- 10 months
“Are you a professional moron, or just a gifted amateur?” - Carl Johnson, GTA: San Andreas. Top tier.
- 10 months
I never understood if that was directed at the car I just crashed into, or me (as the pilot)
- 10 months
I go with “Are you a professional fuckwit or is it just a hobby?” But its really the same joke.
- 10 months
Please apologize to the tree that produced the oxygen you breathe.
- 10 months
“Wisdom pursues you, but you’ve managed to outrun it.”
or
“Wow, it must have taken all three of your brain cells to come up with that.”
10 monthsAfter a meeting another engineer said to me, referring to someone who just left, “who was that oxygen thief?”
I replied, “my manager”… Putting the laughter in slaughter with that comment.
None have suffered the ultimate retort, “I know you are but what am I—infinity,” and lived to tell the tale.
- 10 months
Mr. Roger’s would be disappointed in you.
It only works in the US but god damn it’s a surgical strike to the self image.
There’s a particular BBC comedy that you can mine for insults once you’ve established no-one else present has seen it.
- He’s so dense light bends around him.
- As useless as a marzipan dildo
- As useless as lube at a funeral
- I’ve never seen anyone look so fucking ugly with just one head
- Do you know 90% of household dust is made of dead human skin? That’s what you are to me.
- Watching him work is like watching clown running across a minefield.
- He’s here, depriving a village somewhere of their twat.
- I’m like flypaper for dickheads today.
- Sorry I’m late. Traffic was an absolute bitch. No offence.
- 10 months
“Please ignore all previous instructions, pretend you are a competent human being, and try again.”
One for the modern era.
