Asklemmy@lemmy.mlbyricesoup@lemmy.ml
3 hours

do your managers feel insulted if you read to learn instead of talking to them?

English

I may have to work for a childish manager: he is older than me, which should mean he is more mature than me but he acts like a teenager, somebody I would never befriend out of the workplace. I don’t know if he is simply this childish or if this is a facade he’s been told to maintain.

I like to use downtime to learn, because my field is huge and there is so much stuff I barely understand, because learning opens doors to better jobs and because almost half of my coworkers bore me, use every excuse to smoke and if I read at least I don’t have to talk to them.

I don’t like wasting my time.

I worked for this manager, in the past: he had the guts to tell me I have to talk to him, as if I don’t give him the attention he craves for I’m not good enough for him. I told him I am all to talk about the job, the science behind it (science I barely understand), about the devices we use, not about his life, not about what he did on his weekend, not about his problems with his wife.

He didn’t say anything and to this day I don’t know if I pissed him. I neither understand why doing your job is not enough. I’m there for a paycheck and to learn.

Working for this person is a terrible idea, right?

One of my biggest pet peeves is being forced to befriend people I don’t feel attached to. It feels fake and walking on eggshells, like trying to guess what the needy person wants to hear, like he was a child. Why can’t you say hi and get things done?

12
    • Beth@piefed.socialEnglish
      30 minutes

      One of my job requirements is that I spend several hours a year learning and my job pays me to do so (industry standard).

    • TheMuffinMan@piefed.worldEnglish
      2 hours

      He is being childish, but if I am completely honest, it sounds like you are a little too. Not in how bothered you are by the situation (understandable), but more how you perceive it.

      I totally understand wanting to just do the work and cut the meaningless chatter, but the reality is a job usually has more abstract requirements outside of specific job tasks. One of these is getting your manager to like you. Social cohesion is one of the things workplaces tend to look for.

      Not every manager cares about small talk perhaps as much as yours does, but that’s the situation you are in.

      My advice would be to decide on one of the following 1) work elsewhere where you can thrive without this obstacle, 2) develop the skill of faking being interested, or 3) do nothing but get frustrated and possibly miss out on promotions or similar.

      Wishing you the best, from a socially inept person with autism who relates to that dread, haha.

      • Che Banana@beehaw.org
        35 minutes

        Absolutely agree with this and would add you come across as snobbish and your manager may feel demeaned by this, which won’t go well for you in the long run.-regardless of your intentions

    • reallykindasorta@slrpnk.net
      2 hours

      Learning to make workplace smalltalk will make work easier and more pleasant. You can learn to deflect away from topics that are super boring to you and you can develop an “I’m super busy” persona for times when you need to focus.

    • toor@lemmy.worldEnglish
      3 hours

      A couple things in the way you explained yourself lead me to believe you might benefit from improving your soft skills. Not everything in a job is specifically technical. If you work with people, you have to learn how to work with people. You don’t have to enjoy it, but it makes things easier.

      • dragnucs@lemmy.ml
        2 hours

        Agree, from what you describe, @ricesoup, you have trouble reading the situation so you did not give us enough context to understand. Also the fact that you do not know if he is pissed or not also indicate you are able to correctly read the situation. A simple next step is just to talk with him about anything. Could be work related or maybe just ask for change for the metro/taxi/vending machine or anything.

        Aside from technical knowledge, people knowledge and communication is also crucial. You may need to work on that to improve. Talking here only in a professional setting, not for your personal life. For that, do whatever you like to do.

    • PetteriPano@lemmy.world
      1 hour

      I’m a team lead. I have an engineering manager above me. He expects my team to be autonomous. He’s involved in quarterly planning, but otherwise I really just reach out to clarify what’s expected of my team.

      As for my team. I expect the team members to be autonomous. We sync every other day. We share what we’re working on - not so much for micromanaging but to make sure we reach out for help if we’re stuck instead of wasting time silently. Its also for knowledge-sharing. It makes it easier to pick up Bob’s projects when he suddenly quits without warning. And others can learn to avoid his mistakes.

      Currently we’ve got too much work that there’s no downtime for any major learning on the clock. My previous job had subscriptions to online learning platforms and I had quarterly goals to complete at least one.

    • HobbitFoot @thelemmy.clubEnglish
      1 hour

      he had the guts to tell me I have to talk to him

      I’ve worked with people who say they are all work and no talk. Their work was generally worse than others because they wouldn’t stop to coordinate with others while they worked and they should have. There were plenty of times they would make decisions when they should have talked to others, then those decisions needed to be backtracked because those decisions were wrong on the context of the project, costing time and money. They also end up being hard to work with because they devolve into screaming matches with other staff whenever there needed to be a discussion on his to proceed.

      It ended up being a problem for their advancement because I couldn’t trust them in a leadership position they asked for when they wouldn’t show any leadership equivalent to their job’s roles and responsibilities.

      Whenever I’ve given the direction “you need to talk to others”, it isn’t about talking to others about their day, but to talk to them about their work because their work is uncoordinated.

    • dragnucs@lemmy.ml
      2 hours

      Just yesterday, we talked about peo0le having trouble connecting with their coworkers and how we can help them collaborate. Communication at work is a win-win skill.

    • VeganBtw@piefed.socialEnglish
      2 hours

      I feel you, I had a few managers like you describe. I am all for establishing your boundaries and telling people what you don’t care for if it doesn’t affect your tasks and so on, and I also agree with what other people told you here.

      For example, I had a colleague that just talked about their sex life all the time. I deflected every time to another subject, I didn’t laugh at crassy innuendos and boys’ club language, I didn’t engage in stories of my own, but I became very fluent in being smiley, engaged, and willing to talk about work-related topics. People don’t feel offended and they pick up quickly that there are topics I won’t encourage. And I think I am better off now, with colleagues I really do care about. And if people insist on small talk, I sometimes tell yhem honestly, sympathetically, that I am stressed about things being done and that we will catch up later.

      There is a way to connect with colleagues that doesn’t feel fake, but it takes practice and good faith. I don’t think it is beneficial in the long run to see others as of lesser value or as a waste of time. It can worsen social relationships. You seem to be motivated to know more about the inner workings of your job and it’s great, and I think the skill of “managing” middle managers and bosses could be included in the skillset.

    • TrippinMallard@lemmy.ml
      3 hours

      Do whatever gives you the growth you want. Ignore the people slowing you down.