You must log in or register to comment.
12 daysThere’s a saying that goes “A burden shared is a burden halved. A joy shared is a joy doubled.”
Having a few close friends makes bad times suck less and good times even better.
- 12 days
Human beings are social animals. They need social interaction to survive. Being isolated is recognized as a form of torture. Interactions being draining is often a consequence of contingent societal factors rather than an essential property of interaction itself.
ITT: introverts (I’m one too)
People who are extroverted genuinely feel exactly the opposite of what you’re describing, being in a social situation is relaxing/easy for them, and being alone is what’s draining. I could go on and on about capitalist alienation and modern isolation and those are definitely factors but IMO the introvert/extrovert split predates the economic system, the main thing now is that if you don’t like dealing with people instead of being a hermit you spend ages on the Internet.
- 11 days
Social interaction is enjoyable and a requirement for a social species. The fact that so many people in this thread are depressed, dejected and lonely is really sad. Despair is not a sustainable life strategy. Please if you are unable to find joy in social interaction find a community you do enjoy and start to be a part of that because the alternative is withering and death.
- 12 days
Even if you have bad mental health consequences interacting with ppl (in all or just select ways, eg groups above 3), you also get bad mental health consequences without socialising (that works over longer periods and can be bad), it’s just how our bodies function. So if longevity is something of interest, then socializing is a must afaik.
Regarding all forms of communication - they are all limited at all times, only you have the context & pov of you. And still speech is one of humanity’s greatest achievements simply bcs it’s so much better at quick or detailed conveying of shitposts.
Performing and masking is just part of the interaction bcs regardless of socializing need we are very individual creatures (tho that could be part of society/culture), ie I might be motivated into you liking me so I filter, preform, mimic, etc what I think will get me that result - not as a manipulation necessarily, but as a limitation of how individuals can interact with each other.
- 12 days
even if the ‘real’ you is just the one who is fashioning the ‘masks’, which masks you wear and their details says everything about the ‘reality’ underneath. The masks are there to obscure our faces from ourselves as much as for the social other
- 12 days
Yeah, but I meant masking as wiki/Masking_(behavior):
In psychology and sociology, masking, also known as social camouflaging, is a defensive behavior in which an individual conceals their natural personality or behavior in response to social pressure, abuse, or harassment. Masking can be strongly influenced by environmental factors such as authoritarian parents, social rejection, and emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.
It’s the thing that we all use to an extent as a means to even be able to communicate - eg I might make eye contract & some hand gestures bcs that facilities a conversation, bcs if I don’t do that ppl will add to their understanding of our conversation that I am being dishonest (and not merely a bit less neurotypical).
It’s “skills” we develop growing up bcs we were told or deduced from environment that certain things should be a certain way in order to even communicate. Some things might be ez, some take a huge toll.
If you mean masks like direct lying or manipulation beyond facilitating a convo (an exchange of ideas), that is not what I meant.
It’s like getting to speak the same language basically, a set of basic prerequisites.Normal masking helps you have, sustain, and help a relationship, we have a bit different needs & preferences. It’s not about hiding stuff, I directly tell ppl I’m faking eye contract, but ppl still need it anyway.
Lying, eg telling (core conversational) stuff that isn’t true, is different, that is just shitty. And yes, you can tell what the underlying personality wants to get out of that manipulation. (And yes, that is humanity.)
But if I can’t have a normal conversation with a new friend or eg someone I need to interact with (eg a store employee) than I just get left out of society & need help.
- 11 days
what i’m getting at is, your social disguise is going to mostly be effective on people who rely on appearances to judge the interior quality of things (including people). You will turn away high quality people who can see through your disguise, and to retain around you people who either can’t tell between you and the mask or don’t care. It’s a good survival strategy but not a good way to find deeper, worthy relationships.
If i wanted to be a little more cryptic and spooky about it i’d say something like ‘there is no ‘real’ you under the masks, it’s just masks on top of masks all the way down, the stack of masks in a literal sense is the reality of you.’
- 11 days
Lol, “high quality people”, that’s inventing classes & intolerance where it’s not needed.
So if I speak a language the other party doesn’t know (even tho I know their language & can speak it) I’ll be able to get a good thing going?
Social disguise does not exclude being completely honest. That is a separate thing!
Also you think ppl are dumb & can’t differentiate between social masking & what the words that I’m speaking mean?
I connect well with ppl listening to the meaning I try to convey, it’s way harder with ppl that take your social vibe into consideration (bcs now I have to modulate that as well as my words to get the same meaning across).You will turn away high quality people who can see through your disguise . . .
The “disguise” as you call it isn’t a secret, it’s meant to be understood & looked-through. That’s how all deeper relationship work bcs even what you would call “no disguise” (which imho isn’t a thing bcs we learn cultural norms, we aren’t born with them) works just as a disguise bcs the limits of communication are just so vast.
Be free and allow yourself to not do things by pure obligation, we have all different preferences, be kind to yourself first.
- 12 days
You may want to get tested for autism, speaking from experience, I always found this weird and I thought everyone must be experiencing the same they just won’t say anything about it but nope lol they enjoy that shit
- 12 days
I am with you 100% on this.
I have very few friends with whom I can interact with effortlessly and enjoy myself. And when I see other people talking about “socialising”, it feels fake. Maybe it is fine for them, but to me, as you said, it is draining.
I find it draining but rewarding.
I love interacting with people, it fills me with joy making someone else smile or laugh, or helping them feel supported and accepted when times are tough, or lifting them up so they feel clever or helpful or kind. But I also require a lot of solo time to recharge.
I have made several friends in life who I can be in silence with - that really helps me not feel as drained. Being in nature or exerting myself while interacting also makes it less draining (hiking or working out), probably because I can focus more on my own body and experience and less on the social contract and thus be my natural self more.
My colleagues are very understanding of my need to recharge, so we can have a lot of fun together but I can also let them know that I’m socially burnt out and need to work from home or alone with my tunes.
Sometimes burnout takes a long time to recharge, and then i need to force myself with baby steps to get back into socialising, but it is always worth it in the long run.
- HobbitFoot @thelemmy.clubEnglish12 days
Some forms of social interaction are fun for me, others aren’t. I usually do better in smaller groups.
- Korhaka@sopuli.xyzEnglish12 days
Are you not interacting with us socially here? If you don’t enjoy it why are you here.
- Korhaka@sopuli.xyzEnglish8 days
Different forms of social interactions, sure. But it is still a form of social interaction.
- 12 days
You will feel like this until you do two things:
- Understand what you like, only you. Not your parents, not your siblings, not your friends, just you. It could be things considered unusual where you live, such as “salmon fishing in the Yemen.”
- Find people who enjoy the same things as you.
You do not have to dedicate your time to people you neither like nor have anything in common with.
- 12 days
I enjoy many social interactions.
Went to a concert this weekend. Chatted with the person running the merch table. Briefly chatted with a rando at the bar. Was nice.
Went to a party this weekend. Had a nice chat with some people I’d met before. Maybe came on kind of strong to the socialists in one conversation, but it was fun.
Lemmy probably isn’t going to get you a representative sample of people.
- eldavi@lemmy.mlEnglish11 days
To me it feels like pure obligation.
it is if you don’t enjoy it.
i find it draining & depressing so i don’t do it outside of work and it makes people angry at me for not engaging.
it also makes collectivizing next to impossible for me.
