• 0 Posts
  • 10 Comments
Joined 1 year ago
Cake day: November 1st, 2023
  • YarHarSuperstar@lemmy.worldtoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•How do you approach a group of people with romantic intent for only one?English
    12·
    10 days ago

    I do not claim to know what “most people” think and I don’t believe that you have that knowledge either. If you would like to challenge that belief please come with receipts this time, instead of making broad generalizing statements that may seem true to you, when clearly you are biased (not that I’m not, but that’s why I’m not saying shit about what “most people” think).

    I agree that you should not be pretending or feigning interest. You should be trying to genuinely find areas of common interest.

    How is that at all compatible with the original advice given, which in your own words is the “absolute basics” of approaching and talking to strangers? This is bad advice in my mind and you haven’t said anything to the contrary that is convincing.

    Also I would not take your advice on how to talk to people because you’re coming off super patronizing to me.

  • YarHarSuperstar@lemmy.worldtoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•How do you approach a group of people with romantic intent for only one?English
    11·
    10 days ago

    Let’s say I walk straight up to them and say “I saw you and you sparked my interest, and I’d like to get to know you better.”

    Except that’s not what we’re talking about, this piece of advice specifically advises that you hide your intentions.

    OK, well what comes next? How do you get to know someone (total stranger) better? It’s going to involve talking about random stuff until (hopefully) you both end up feeling comfortable with each other.

    I don’t know about you but I don’t talk about “random stuff”, I talk about things that are important to me and that I actually want to talk about, because that will actually tell me if i feel comfortable with someone and I want to get to know them better.

    The other thing is about that first part (“I saw you/wanna get to know you”) is heavily implied by you walking over and saying hello.

    Actually it’s not, because in the situation we’re actually talking about you’re approaching a group of people and pretending to be interested in what they’re talking about until you get “an in” with the person you’re actually interested in. That’s lying.

  • YarHarSuperstar@lemmy.worldtoAsklemmy@lemmy.ml•How do you approach a group of people with romantic intent for only one?English
    11·
    10 days ago

    I believe in direct communication, as opposed to playing games. Maybe that’s why I don’t go to a lot of parties or bars etc. it’s hard to talk when there’s so much going on. I have a lot of sensitivity to sensory overwhelm so that doesn’t help. I don’t believe in “small talk” as you’re using it here, I.e. to mean talking for the sake of talking and not about what you actually want to talk about. You’re right that it’s low stakes but it’s basically a mini lie, and I also value vulnerability and emotional honesty very highly.