you don’t need to give social advise to a neurotypical person

Supremely disagree.

Here’s a podcast episode I’ve heard today to illustrate the example of just how bad most “neurotypical” can be with simple social interactions:

Hidden Brain: We Need to Talk

Episode webpage: https://hiddenbrain.org/podcast/we-need-to-talk/

Media file: https://dts.podtrac.com/redirect.mp3/tracking.swap.fm/track/0bDcdoop59bdTYSfajQW/stitcher.simplecastaudio.com/df179a36-a022-41e3-bf7c-b7a4efc6f51e/episodes/1f69dbf5-87e8-41ec-8014-f494020218d4/audio/128/default.mp3?aid=rss_feed&awCollectionId=df179a36-a022-41e3-bf7c-b7a4efc6f51e&awEpisodeId=1f69dbf5-87e8-41ec-8014-f494020218d4&feed=kwWc0lhf

It is ALWAYS bad advice. “Be yourself” is the most pointless thing to say to anyone. It doesn’t help the recipient at all. Same for “be a better person”. You could say “be genuine” and that would be slightly more helpful.

From my background in education: under-performers tend to be poor judges of their position, tend to have no idea what good performance looks like or how to get there, and tend to surround themselves with similar under-performers. So someone who is underperforming in a social role (making friends, fitting into their work place, dating, etc) needs a lot more focused and good quality feedback.

The internet had niche use for enthusiast nerds. An internet connected handheld device was the game changer.

There are a million possibilities and no single right answer. Strangers on the internet are not going to be able to tell you. Strangers on the internet certainly don’t know the dynamic between the two of you.

Write down the possibilities (you’ve mentioned some in your post). Think of what seems fair to you. Show her the possibilities and talk about it and agree something.

My wife came from a family that considered it the man’s duty to pay for everything and that women have to protect themselves from exploitation by guarding their own money. Conversations about sharing expenses were very unwelcome and showing love meant spending a lot on luxury gifts. She used to earn a third of what i did and had more disposable income than me since bills left me with little disposable. You could end up with 2 people at different levels of affluence in the same house if you are very defensive and financially isolationist. It’s taken a long time to change that to a collaboration to work through life together with shared resources.

The most “scientific” way in a full commitment would be to put an equal % of both salaries into a “bills” account, then put how much you both want to save into a savings account and then divide the leftover disposable equally between yourselves.

Or if you’re too early to be fully committed then you can start with continuing to pay for everything or ask her for a flat amount contribution.

Just know that money is one of the biggest sources of friction on a relationship and most people at not on the same page. It takes work and talking to get to the same page (that means talking to her… Not us).

Thank you satan

I read these conversations. I have no idea what’s going on. I’m glad there are people who understand who are working on things. I tell myself I can still use Linux as a commoner and this back-end doesn’t really matter for me. I still don’t understand what the hell is going on with Wayland or X11 or systemd or Snap or BTRFS/ext4 or any of this stuff that people feel strongly about. I’ll just keep my head down. My OpenSUSE PC and Steam Deck seem to be working (without doing the undergraduate degree amount of wiki reading that people say I need).

Thanks for the heads up. The next challenge is finding anything of value on the platform.

People making content for NSFW subreddits makes sense to me now that there’s good money to be made.

I didn’t really understand the motivation before when so many people made regular content for internet strangers for nothing. Especially when so many of the comments are so sleazy and rapey.

Finding your place in society and connecting with others can be really hard sometimes, and no one helps people who get it this badly wrong. It’s just easier to ignore, avoid and ridicule. Hope this poor kid figures it out.

Where/how do I check or know what impact that has? I think this just further strengthens the point that Lemmy is not welcoming to normal users at all and is just for specialist nerds.

Makes sense once there’s enough of a userbase…but currently there isn’t a huge amount of content of interest on Lemmy and sticking to a local instance just limits this even more. Currently I have to stick to “all” as even areas of subscription can run out of content with a quick scroll session.

I’m pretty techie and I’ve been here for months. I still don’t fully understand why it matters and how a different instance would have changed my experience. The fediverse is so fragmented, it would be dumb to stick to one instance. My app is always set to browse “all”. Everyone commenting seems to be from different instances. I’m certainly not going to start reading about different instances at signup when it presents the fact that you will be able to access all instances anyway. I picked randomly from one of the most popular choices. This whole process of a selection of an instance sounded good to software engineers, and sure this is how the technology fits together…but these are “back end” issues that I (and other normies) don’t care about at all. Users do not want to get into the weeds of how the back end works and it is certainly off putting.

What about people surfing all?