I wish I was. I could just turn myself off.

Damn bro you gonna do me like that 😂

Any examples so we don’t just have to guess at what you and OP saw and neglected to highlight the ones in question?

I must not have explained that part well enough.

I was only asking for the last borrow of £70 back which was meant to be last Wednesday. The remaining £600 is already in a payment plan and once he has cleared his debts with other people first.

Thanks for the reply.

This is the major factor for me, as I waste so much time waiting around and stuff and for me time is the most precious thing. I don’t care about money really, as long as I can pay my bills and do my hobbies it’s secondary to having fun pursuing my hobbies.

You’re also spot on about how his time keeping is improved back when I would be getting fucked up with them more frequently. Which to me highlights their priorities. Now as an addict (recovering) myself I tend to give people a lot of slack because I get it and I get what comes from that lifestyle. It’s just recently it’s been stressing me more.

Maybe I’ve spoiled him too much too because now a lot of the time it’s just expected that I’m buying food or paying for his fuel when we go to climb outside or something. Like he would even suggest we get takeaway for tea but has no money. Like what. I would never do that. Or if I offer him a drink from the shop he would say yes because it’s a free drink and not because he needs a drink right then, where I would be like nah I’m good if I don’t need one.

I can relate to this as before my diagnosis or when I was in a really low spot I would make plans and then the day comes and I don’t want to move because I am not in the headspace to keep to them, but I would let people know.

Maybe talk to them?

I am willing to give this a go, although I have no idea how I would phrase it and I feel it would not be seen as constructive, but I shouldn’t just assume that and maybe I should try again.

Thanks for the reply.

I absolutely get that some people are bad with time estimations, as it’s one of the hurdles for someone with ADHD and I have had to really work hard to improve on my time planning skills.

I think it’s more than life just happens though as it’s consistent. Like every time we are linking up. He sets expectations of me that I can’t set of him. He will be late 99% of the time and shrug it off likes it’s nothing, but if I leave my house a few mins later because I was speaking to family longer than expected then he would call me out for it. Like we live in Manchester and we could be in Liverpool where we all know it’s 50 mins to drive back home. His son could ring and he would say I’ll be back in 20 mins. Even if I said bro it’s an hour drive he would just say yeah it’s fine he’s slow anyway. Like that is not bad time keeping that is just thinking about him not wanting to wait when he gets back but his kid could be ready 40 mins early now.

Do you mean don’t say no worries if I don’t mean it? As I agree I shouldn’t have done that, but I also didn’t want to just moan as whenever I do he shrugs it off as not an issue.

I’ve given him the benefit of the doubt for 25 years and his behaviour isn’t changing and perhaps he has undiagnosed issues that he needs to address, but that is something he has to want to do and I would support him in that.

The money thing I don’t think was eating him, just that he was a day late and I don’t care about it being late. Shit I probably spend £200 a month just funding him cause he never has money. It was the putting blame on me for having the audacity to prod him.

I know I am an idiot for isolating when down because when I spiral I can spiral bad and it’s a self feeding cycle then that becomes hard to get out of and I do try these days to still socialise even if I don’t want to be here.

Finally, I have tried for so long to point out silver linings, but he just isn’t receptive to change or growth. Like the moaning about cyclists example, if I say that’s one less car on the road taking up space he’s like nah fuck em they’re assholes and they don’t pay road tax. Like WTF that doesn’t even make sense. Why hate something so much when it means nothing.

The same for complaining about traffic when we are part of the traffic. What makes our journey more important than anyone’s else’s journey?

If he complains about immigrants and I try and say hey these people are all coming here working jobs and paying taxes and spending that money I our community, maybe we should think why the media wants us hating poor people instead of the dude with billions of pounds.

Or how he hates on trans people, when I try and ask why he doesn’t know. He just reads the news and has hatred for people he has never met.

This is actually something all our other friends used to comment on that he is exhausting to be around as he literally never sees the good in anything.

I am aware I am emotional right now so I’m not making any decisions in this state and just wanted to vent a little and get some perspectives of others.

What’s amusing about the negativity is he works with another friend who we all lost contact with 10 years ago as he got married and stuff and he complains about that guys negativity and how it drains him, so perhaps he doesn’t realise he is almost as bad as that guy but it was amusing to hear him complain about the same things he does.

Thanks for the reply. I didn’t manage to fall asleep yet, so figured I’d check for replies.

I am sorry that you went through that with your friends and that you had to make that choice and I’m sorry for your accident, I can’t even imagine how that must feel.

I am starting to realise I shouldn’t do things for people that they wouldn’t do for me, but I also can’t just change who I am. If I can help someone or do something for them or be considerate then I just will.

It sounds arrogant to say I am the smartest person in the room, but that’s exactly what it’s been like with this group all my life. Sure other smart people have been around, oddly many of them were drug dealers. At work I am not the smartest person in the room so I guess I have two rooms now.

I also asked this to ChatGPT, the horror, and funnily it said something similar in that it’s okay to grow and I shouldn’t dwell on lost time with these friends as these experiences have made me who I am today. Altgohhh easier said than done.

Not SysAdmin but about a year into my first software engineer job I was working on the live DB in SQL without using BEGIN TRAN ROLLBACK TRAN.

Suffice to say I broke the whole system my making an UPDATE without a WHERE clause. Luckily we have regular backups but it was a lot of debugging with the boss before I realised it was me that caused the issue the client was reporting.

What brought you here? How did you hear about us?

Just curious.

It really depends on the community you’re in.

As others have eluded to, there is a massive glazing for Linux here and any objections to it are usually downvoted.

The same for FOSS services.

It made me ponder how much of an echo chamber we are in. If you think of it like this: Most of the people here are here because we were passionate about a de-federated alternative to Reddit. For me it was over the API changes.

So if you think about being on Reddit already puts you into a small subset of society, then look at how many came here and stayed over the API issue, then we can see that some of the views here are not at all indicative of the world as here we have about 50k MAU (monthly active users).

As an example, I got sucked in my the pro Linux rhetoric and wiped windows from my PC. It did not go as plain sailing as people would have you believe. My reservations were about maintaining the system and just not wanting to have to geek out when I’m not in work. I’m a software engineer so it’s far from a skill issue, but people here will tell you easy to switch and you won’t have any issues which isn’t the case.

It gave me pause for thought to get out of here every once in a while to gauge the actual populations views on something and not just the circle jerk in here.

On the whole though I can get more interaction with people here than on Reddit as there are less people and people seem willing to just chat about anything.

Been on silent for over a decade too, but in an outlier and friends phones are so damn annoying.

Help me. Factorio has me.

I believe they were making a joke because if you wrap this thing around a star there really is no day night cycle because it’s all star. Our day night cycle comes because we are spinning.

I’m not sure you’re being downvoted for people not agreeing, per se.

I think you’re being downvoted for coming across as a little misguided on your theory.

And odds are good you won’t notice them

Doesn’t this defeat the purpose of advertisers advertising if people ain’t going to notice them.

Disclaimer: I use an iPhone and Apple Maps.

Moribund (adjective)

Meaning: Dying or declining.

TIL a new word.

This is how I ended up on a German server. I don’t speak German but really isn’t an issue. Just pick one.

Gatekeeping at its finest.

I for one would welcome anybody here who wants to come. Rather them than more people with your mindset.

Fancier or more efficient?

I like this idea.

I don’t know if I will do anything with it, but I would like to create something like this. Find it hard to develop when I’m not in work, as it feels like work.