Sex is indeed a spectrum. Intersex presentation makes up a meaningful though small percentage, somewhere around the 0.05% range. If it were a binary there would be two options, mutually exclusive. This is a bimodal distribution, with two very strong peaks for XX or XY karyotype and a bunch of variation around either different karyotypes, XXY etc, or differing activation or expression of those karyotypes, eg androgen insensitivity etc.

On top of that, what would you say sex is exactly? Which gamete is larger? In seahorses the males have the smaller gametes but the females use something very similar to a penis to deposit the egg into the male who then raises it and performs all the roles we associate with females in humans.

Is it based on which chroonosomes? In some animals it is a WZ or W karyotypes, so that can’t be it. In others it is just a presence or absence of a sex chromosome. In some plants they have more than two sets of everything, like strawberries with 7 copies of each chromosome. In others they have one, two, or four in some parts of the life cycle, but sometimes the thing we see is the higher number, sometimes it is the lower number. Some have a mix of male and female parts, having sperm and egg producers on the same plant but separated, some have both right next to each other in groupings. Some animals can undergo sex changing due to environmental factors.

Nothing in biology is as simple as the models we use to represent them. Sex is complex and while it sometimes seems simple that is the less common state. Genes are not often all the way on or all the way off, they are usually moderated and running at different levels across the organism cell by cell, and changing with time. The same goes for traits.

I would recommend learning more about ut biology if you really do believe sex is a simple binary. The world of biology is far more complex and varied than that idea can capture and honestly it is fascinating, I find it extremely exciting to find the examples of my own ignorance, they are usually super cool. Good luck!

Indeed, just as gender is a spectrum so is sex. I love when someone says “Its basic biology” because the best response is “and this is intermediate biology”.

none of these transphobic losers who use autism to attack trans people even gives a flip about people

Ftfy

Honestly chances are he was not all he appeared. Many people who are abusive appear nice at first then once they have power they start pushing boundaries and seeing what they can get away with. Once they get away with something they push the boundary a little further until years have passed and they can do whatever they want without consequence.

Add in narcissistic behaviours and someone can seem amazing, very kind and gentle, and wonderfully intelligent and capable while actually being none of those things. It is entirely possible he was conning the entire time, telling you stories of his life that were untrue, distorted, and extremely favourable to him.

Have a think about stories he has told you. See if you can find inconsistencies, places where facts don’t line up. If he was telling the truth everything would line up well, but if it doesn’t line up really well he was lying. If it lines up fairly well he may or may not have been lying but we can’t know.

An example is my partner’s mother was a narcissistic abuser who made some really obviously false claims. He said he was a geography teacher but it came out later he was working for a school but not teaching, he was the groundskeeper. This on it’s own would not be enough to be sure he was a deceptive person but it became part of a pattern. He lied about money, he lied about achievements, he cheated, he abused the kids, and he became more and more violent over the years. Now he lives in a rural area as a real estate agent, using his charm to sell houses for more than they are worth. I guess he found his calling?

Dr Ramani has a great YouTube channel about narcissism and if your ex is not a narcissist then nothing there will sound familiar. Maybe give it a look.