If life isnt enjoyable, would disappearing really make a difference?

I think I wouldn’t mind being dead, as I couldn’t feel anything anyways. But existing and then suddenly not even knowing I don’t exist sounds very scary. When I forget what I was thinking about a few seconds ago, at least I know that I did forget about something. I think the fear stems from the fact that no one can even imagine how death feels like. Sleeping or being in a coma isn’t even close as it feels like a time skip.

I try to see the world and everything in it for what it really is. I don’t believe in fate, god, karma, souls, etc. The way I see it, I’m depressed and don’t enjoy life because I’m just a collection of electrical signals/chemical processes inside of my brian. And my brain is fucked. I can’t relate to people who genuinely enjoy life. I get sparks of happyness but spend most of the time being miserable.

Another personal reasons for why I don’t enjoy life is change. I know that no change = no progress = boredom, but I still despise it. And look at that, literally everything in life changes all the fucking time. Loved ones die, pets die, the tech I love slowly dies out.

And then there is the looming threat of dying at any moment because I’m a fragile organism that can die even while sleeping. That terrifies me to no end. Just suddenly not existing. And yes I have watched motivational videos advocating for why we shouldn’t fear death. I’m not buying it.