It’s a sunny day, we’re outside, good mood, drinking a coffee. I try to strike a conversation, my gf says its too early for philosophical discussions. I tell her we can instead talk about whatever she feels like. She says she doesn’t want to talk about anything. We weirdly sit in silence for a while. I tell her it’s weird to me, we argue. Is this normal?
She may have been enjoying the sounds outside, she may be an introvert and was recharging, she may have been thinking her own thoughts and wanted to finish, maybe the coffee had not finished doing it’s work - sometimes silence is not about being angry or feeling distant from someone. She did tell you she didn’t want to talk about anything. Maybe that’s why she got upset?
No, she was on her phone
Sitting in comfortable silence is completely normal. Some people need to practice not filling every moment with conversation.
I guess you’re right…
I struggled with this for a long time. I grew up in a house where silence meant something was wrong. My partner helped me understand that’s not the case. Sometimes it’s nice just to be together and do nothing.
ㅤ
ㅤ
ㅤ
It sounds like she’s an introvert, and you’re an extrovert.
For you, chatting is effortless and energizing. For her, it requires effort and can be draining.
Meanwhile, you find mental exercises like deep thought or creating require effort and can be draining. For her, these are effortless and energizing.
You need to talk with her about her and your needs, and you must recognize the differences between you and find a middle ground where you can each be happy. That could mean you go out with friends to get your chatting needs and give her the space to recharge, and you and her find topics that interest her to talk about.
One last bit of advice: don’t treat this like it’s a you versus her problem. Treat it like it’s you and her versus the problem. The collaborative approach will yield better solutions and results.
This is wonderful advice, and it touches on the issue spot on. Thank you very much
