I’m not really into trans people, so I only date cis men. Not trans men, not nonbinary people, and not women of any kind. However, my former boyfriend is now my girlfriend, and IDK how to tell her I don’t like women without her taking it the wrong way.
I wrote:
Hey, L,
I know you’re probably asleep, but I kind of needed to talk about something. I want you to know that I fully support you coming out as trans. I think it’s good that you’re finally your true self. However, I wanted to say that I’m straight. I’m, unfortunately, not that into women, which you are. I’m sorry, it’s just my preference. Know, please, that we can still be friends and I can support your true womanly self along the way, but I’m not interested in women and I can’t keep dating someone and lying about how I feel.
I hope you understand, E 🙂
It’s not always easy to be honest. But being honest is proper. You be you, and they will be who they are. It’s best to live your best lives as who you truly are. If you’re not compatible, you’re not compatible. It’s okay.
If I may piggyback off this comment and add one more thing: it’s a difficult conversation to be sure, so please do you and your girlfriend a favor and just be succinct and the point.
What I mean by this is that often times we want to make difficult conversations less painful, so we start dancing around our truth to try to soften the blows. We worry that we’re going to hurt the other person, and sometimes we end up making things worse in the process.
Good luck to you and her. I hope you two can find your paths going forward.
Let her know that you support her being who she is, it’s just not your thing. You are entitled to your own preference. No hard feelings, hopefully.
You don’t own her a relationship. Break up with her.
You tell them just like to told us. How did it get this far without you telling them? Did you just keep trying to make it work but didn’t want to hurt their feelings?
There’s no way to lay it on “nicely”.
Agreed, if you don’t see a way forward with the relationship, you should be honest.
If you’re living together, please consider giving them some time to figure things out, if that’s feasible for you.
If you’re living together, please consider giving them some time to figure things out, if that’s feasible for you.
I cannot stress this enough. Your partner is going through a lot right now and they need support. It might be difficult to deal with seeing them transition, but it’s paramount that they have at least some stability in their lives during this time.
I say this from personal experience as I came out to my wife, and she moved out the next day. It was absolutely devastating, and even with the incredible amount of support and found family I have, it’s impossible to convey the sheer amount of damage that decision has caused emotionally.
Your partner will understand your preferences, as hard as it may be for her, but she will not be able to understand abandonment.
Have you been dating long? Something strikes me as odd that you would eschew your entire relationship because your partner now identifies as a woman.
She still has the same personality, the same quirks that you fell in love with, no?
It just seems weird that her gender would supersede the relationship you built together.
I’m seeing your message to her, and what I see is you taking the easy way out of this relationship: you’re a girl, I don’t like them. You’re rejecting her for the one thing she can’t help, problem solved.
If you really want to end this relationship, then I would recommend you think about how you’re feeling right now and be honest with yourself, and then be honest with her, about the real reason you’re ending this relationship.
This is a pretty nonconsensual take don’t you think? If OPs partner were into men instead of women would she have to stay in the relationship?
It doesn’t have to be black and white. This is something you discuss together, to see where each partner stands and where the relationship will go moving forward.
