My girlfriend says she doesn’t like that I don’t work and don’t do anything to “develop myself”. I have passive income that’s more than enough for us to live rather comfortably in the city I live in. I pretty much support her at the moment, as well as myself, but she says she doesn’t want to get a job because I don’t have one, and that annoys her that I’ll be able to sit at home and do what I want or just be busy with my hobbies.
I told her that I’m not forcing her to work, and even if she does work, she would only have to work like 2 days a week, not even a lot, but she says that it would bug her that I’m just sitting at home.
I get that she has the right to want someone who has ambition, but I also have the right to just live on what I have.
I told her that I’m willing to cook and clean and do most of the house work, but she says that she can do all of that by herself.
I’m assuming this is a Nobody Is the asshole situation?
If your passive income is rent, meaning you’re a landlord, then yes you should get a real job instead.
Otherwise, this seems like a real difference in values between you two. If you feel secure now and for the foreseeable future, then it’s a perfectly valid choice not to want to try and climb into a new economic class. If you’re just comfortable for now, with no real retirement savings/emergency fund, then it makes sense for her to worry about the long term finances. If you can choose any route to “develop yourself” (e.g. become an artist or writer, do community organizing, do engineering projects), and the requirement is not necessarily to make more money, then I would view that as a push to get you out of complacency and distraction, which wouldn’t be as bad.
I have an annuity I got from a malpractice settlement that gives me more than enough to live in the country I’m in.
She does say that it doesn’t have to be a way to make money, but she wants me to “develop myself” somehow.
You should do something with your life. If that’s walking dogs at the shelter for free, that’s fine. That’s your ‘job’ now. Don’t let yourself rot away. Do some good somewhere.
Fair enough. I do ride my bike quite a bit and go to the gym, try to make myself better physically. I could probably find at least somewhere where I could help out.
That’s just body excercise, what about your mind?
You should do something with your life.
Counterpoint: this word “should” and this whole expectation is very toxic. There is no need to “do something with your life”. If you’re fine where you are now and how your life is going, then you should keep doing that. Many people want to somehow instill a yearning in you to “get more”, but there must be a limit sometime right? You can’t always have more? Maybe this is just your point to stop, and you should have a partner who’s also fine with this and doesn’t suddenly want you to change.
Your girlfriend wants to do something with her life, and she wants a partner with the same drive. You’re comfortable where you’re at. This sounds like an incompatible arrangement to me, but no assholes here.
Not her fault for losing interest in you. I think it wasn’t a big deal until you got more serious with her and she had to start thinking about what having a family with you would be like and is probably internally realizing you probably would struggle with fatherhood. I’m not against you though. if you found a way to not have to run the society treadmill the rest of us do then I’m happy for you.
It could be that she feels stuck. I think she wants dreams, goals, excitement. Not status quo for the rest of your lives.
Honestly, you’re living the dream, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise… im sorry you have to be put in that position, but as someone with experience in this area, I will say she will probably never get over this feeling or let it go. Im not sure what it is, but for some reason, some women feel like you need to be doing more, and it’s frustrating. Even more so since you are being told this from someone who is ok taking complete advantage of it yet has zero issue with it when the roles are reversed. Im not sure how anyone can better themselves working a job for another boss doing work for another person when they don’t have to. Good luck to you since im sure you will try to convince them otherwise, but just remember this will always bother them, and it will come back up when they can’t take it anymore.
Your girlfriend is the asshole here.
My girlfriend says she doesn’t like that I don’t work and don’t do anything to “develop myself”.
Yet, she herself doesn’t work and she relies on you financially.
she says she doesn’t want to get a job because I don’t have one
That’s just an excuse for her not to get a job.
I would get where she’s coming from if she has a job and doesn’t rely on you financially. Sorry but she sounds like a leech that’s complaining her provider isn’t providing enough.
