Several things going on here, and they all blend together.

  • She really, really thinks she’s ugly. Nothing debilitating I guess, but enough to scare me off talking about it.

  • Apparently braces are a Filipino thing, for young girls. She’s 54. Being Asian, she looks more like 40, still…

  • I think the above stems from the vanity of showing, “I’m rich enough to afford dental care and braces make me look young.”

  • Her teeth are perfect. When we started dating I asked how much longer she would have to wear them (bottom teeth only). She laughed her ass off like I was so silly! Said it was a fashion thing.

  • She’s very fashionable, so I feel like mentioning the thing would be a direct assault on her self esteem. No problem saying this or that does or doesn’t look good on her, but this feels way more personal than talking about a dress.

  • Now that we’ve been together a couple of years, I’m scared shitless she will think I found her ugly this whole time. Despite the fact I worship the ground she walks on. Daily.

  • No clue on the cost and we’re broke ATM. Maybe wait till I have a good job again?

Before anyone says it, of course we can speak freely to one another, just a sticky case for the reasons outlined. I feel removing her braces is the one thing she could do to be more attractive, and that would be a pretty (heh) big deal. We both put in the effort to be attractive to one another, that’s no big deal. But this one thing feels out-of-bounds, verboten.

Can’t answer till tomorrow. She’s off work in a minute.

  • sprite0@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
    0·
    2 months ago

    my advice is to take her flowers and let her do whatever she wants with her body unless it’s causing physical damage. you don’t have to find it attractive if you love her like you say you do just suck it up chum. she’ll remove them when she doesn’t want to wear them anymore. Your partner doesn’t have to be a perfect reflection of your ideals of beauty. loving and supporting someone means accepting their ugly favorite hat too.

    you said directly that even mentioning it might affect her self esteem so don’t mention it. be supportive

    • 9tr6gyp3@lemmy.worldEnglish
      0·
      2 months ago

      Agree with this 100%

      Braces are not something you just get rid of. IMO its a decision between her and her dentist, and nobody else. If they decide its time to get rid of them, then cool. Unless the dentist and her together ask you for advice, then I would just leave it be and focus on literally anything else you could do.

      • shalafi@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
        2·
        2 months ago

        This is not an orthodontia thing. They’re like rings or bracelets for her teeth. She never needed them in the first place, never served anything but a superficial role.

            • 9tr6gyp3@lemmy.worldEnglish
              01·
              2 months ago

              Not sure. Do you have a picture of what those decorations look like? Can she take them out? Or are they cemented on her teeth?

              • shalafi@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
                1·
                2 months ago

                Ever seen braces? They’re braces. Apparently the notion that a woman would get them only as a status symbol/fashion statement is throwing some of y’all. Threw me off at first!

                If they were removable, I’m quite certain I would have noticed at some point in the last 3 years. Then I would have profusely complimented her and would never have posted this!