Several things going on here, and they all blend together.
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She really, really thinks she’s ugly. Nothing debilitating I guess, but enough to scare me off talking about it.
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Apparently braces are a Filipino thing, for young girls. She’s 54. Being Asian, she looks more like 40, still…
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I think the above stems from the vanity of showing, “I’m rich enough to afford dental care and braces make me look young.”
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Her teeth are perfect. When we started dating I asked how much longer she would have to wear them (bottom teeth only). She laughed her ass off like I was so silly! Said it was a fashion thing.
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She’s very fashionable, so I feel like mentioning the thing would be a direct assault on her self esteem. No problem saying this or that does or doesn’t look good on her, but this feels way more personal than talking about a dress.
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Now that we’ve been together a couple of years, I’m scared shitless she will think I found her ugly this whole time. Despite the fact I worship the ground she walks on. Daily.
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No clue on the cost and we’re broke ATM. Maybe wait till I have a good job again?
Before anyone says it, of course we can speak freely to one another, just a sticky case for the reasons outlined. I feel removing her braces is the one thing she could do to be more attractive, and that would be a pretty (heh) big deal. We both put in the effort to be attractive to one another, that’s no big deal. But this one thing feels out-of-bounds, verboten.
Can’t answer till tomorrow. She’s off work in a minute.
The idea of getting braces to be fashionable is just so bizarre to me, this has been a fascinating read.
I wish I had some advice for you.
i don’t understand. How are these braces harming you? Why can’t she have a fashion accessory that she likes? She’s literally told you their purpose. Maybe you should work on being more accepting of your wife instead of trying to shoehorn her into a mold that suits you? Literally none of your points seem to support your wife.
edit: i showed this post to my partner of 25 years without showing her my response and she said the same thing I did so I guess that’s why we work together.
Always hard to talk relationships online because they’re complex. I’ll try to answer your question.
The braces are very unattractive to me. She would do about anything to be more attractive to me. And me for her! If she could see inside my mind, the braces would be gone tomorrow.
We both make an effort to be attractive, especially to one another. If she hints I need to trim my beard, cut my hair, do or don’t wear a thing, I do that, instantly. I feel couples owe it to one another to keep up their looks. That’s one of the easiest ways to continue attraction beyond the honeymoon phase. Far more to relationships, I’m only addressing this one thing.
Anyway, if one takes the cynical view I guess that sounds terribly shallow. None the less, we have a healthy relationship.
If she takes those braces to the grave, I’ll love her just as much. Was just hoping someone could advise me on broaching a potentially sensitive subject.
my advice is to take her flowers and let her do whatever she wants with her body unless it’s causing physical damage. you don’t have to find it attractive if you love her like you say you do just suck it up chum. she’ll remove them when she doesn’t want to wear them anymore. Your partner doesn’t have to be a perfect reflection of your ideals of beauty. loving and supporting someone means accepting their ugly favorite hat too.
you said directly that even mentioning it might affect her self esteem so don’t mention it. be supportive
Agree with this 100%
Braces are not something you just get rid of. IMO its a decision between her and her dentist, and nobody else. If they decide its time to get rid of them, then cool. Unless the dentist and her together ask you for advice, then I would just leave it be and focus on literally anything else you could do.
This is not an orthodontia thing. They’re like rings or bracelets for her teeth. She never needed them in the first place, never served anything but a superficial role.
So they’re not braces?
What would you call them then?
Not sure. Do you have a picture of what those decorations look like? Can she take them out? Or are they cemented on her teeth?
So OP isn’t even allowed to ask why she must keep them on so much longer than normal braces(generally, 18 months to two years)? My wife had braces for the first three years we were together, five years in total. She literally begged the orthodontist to switch out the mounts to clear ones and remove the metal bands for our wedding day.
Basically, it seemed that he never intended to remove them so long as he could keep getting papers published about her mouth. I won’t claim her case wasn’t exceptional, but I’m not exaggerating about the papers and how things ended up, and when he finally removed the braces under threat of lawsuit, her teeth stayed perfectly straight to this day, ~ 20 years later, and she never wore her retainer.
All that said, there are perfectly legitimate reasons OP’s wife might still need the braces, but for the comments here to weigh 100% on the idea that OP should not even consider talking to his wife about whether hers are a need or a deranged fashion statement is just ridiculous.
Couples, particularly older couples no matter how long they’ve been together, nevermind married, should be capable of discussing anything, and Aesthetics vs medical needs are a perfectly reasonable topic.
op said directly that mentioning it would be in his estimation a ‘direct assault on her self esteem’, and that she considers it a fashion choice. in that scenario yes leave her alone to her fashion choices.
Unncessary braces can cause all sorts of problems. As a fashion choice, they are a particularly bad one.
Like what? I’m ignorant on this, never had more than a temporary retainer as a kid.
She seems to have zero issues. And keep in mind, they were ornamental from the start.
what a strawman you’ve built. op directly states that he just finds it unattractive
You need to look up what a strawman is.
- An argument or opponent set up so as to be easily refuted or defeated.
instead of discussing the issue at hand (op trying to force his fashion views on his wife) machinefab has created a hypothetical medical situation that he’s arguing against.
Looks like the textbook definition to me, i’m open to being educated though.
So if someone you knew was wearing something that didn’t suit them, and made them look foolish, you’d say nothing, and let them keep looking like a fool?
I think most of us would realize that opinions about style vary from person to person and just because you find something distasteful doesn’t mean that other people do, or should.
I think most of us don’t go around telling people what we think of their fashion sense or their haircuts or their braces because it’s not our job and they didn’t ask our opinion. If they were to ask our opinion, then we might volunteer it, that would be a good time to do so.
Nobody’s talking about hassling strangers. Good friends and lovers should be able to openly make such suggestions.
Do you both visit the dentist regularly? What does her dentist have to say on the subject?
Actually we don’t. Never known her to go, I don’t have insurance and we both have healthy teeth.
You have no business criticising someone else’s dental habits if you don’t at least go for regular check-ups yourself.
If you were to go, you could ask the dentist how common braces are in your age group, and mention you know someone in your age group who has worn braces for x amount of time, and ask if they would have any concerns about that practice.
I’m a little worried about everything you said involving the ages of her and of the young girls. The word choices are somehow off-putting. Maybe you don’t want to use those types of descriptions when talking to her.
Always find comments like this extremely strange. Were you desperate to find something objectionable? It’s a fact the braces are a porn thing, it’s often a suggested search time. That’s not on me. Hell, I’m here asking for advice on helping her ditch them!
“why are braces a fashion thing in the philippines”
And the top results all mention the status symbol thing. Not hard to combine that with the looking young thing. And that’s not on me.
