- some_random_nick@lemmy.worldEnglish16 days
Or you could get some helping hands to spread those cheeks further
15 daysI just stand in the shower and drag my fingers through mud valley then waffle stomp the rest down the drain.
Why wipe? Shitting yourself is the new path to power in 2026.
- FunkyCheese@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish16 days
They can also just take a dump where ever they stand
I tend to wait till i can get to a restroom
- calcopiritus@lemmy.worldEnglish15 days
Not dogs though. If they don’t work hard to find the perfect pooping spot, they ain’t pooping.
Obviously the perfect spot is the corner of the basement, back behind the clothes washing machine, as this is both safe from predators and far enough outside the living area to not spread disease. Unfortunately the humans do not allow this, so we must search daily for a new outdoor area which is suitable.
Nah, go hog wild on it. Eat an entire box of high fiber cereal and then go do naked jumping jacks.
- 16 days
There was a very unholy good review website about 15 years ago. The author had a lengthy and vivid description of their experiences after eating way too many of these. It was so disturbing, I never actually ate sugarfree gummies myself
- FunkyCheese@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish16 days
Fun fact, can fiber cause constipation
You can try a no fiber diet… you will see fiber required
- 6stringringer@lemmy.zipEnglish16 days
I make a nickel Boss makes a dime I go poo poo On the company’s time
- moonshadow@slrpnk.netEnglish15 days
Boss makes a dollar,
I make a dime.
12 seconds to shit?
Not near enough time.
- _stranger_@lemmy.worldEnglish15 days
Either you learn how to shit in 12 seconds, or AI will take shitting away from you. Sorry, that analology got away from me at the end.
- Victor@lemmy.worldEnglish15 days
if it were, I lost.
Same. Intentionally. I need some me time sometimes.
- AA5B@lemmy.worldEnglish15 days
It’s survival on the plains. You didn’t loose the race, you got eaten by a lion
- SPRUNT@lemmy.worldEnglish16 days
I always told my teachers that I’m way above average but they never believed me…
VINDICATION!!
- 15 days
Given my numbers, the median must be like 0.12 seconds. If your legs aren’t asleep by the time you finish, did you even poop?
are you another of us 20 year poopers or are you one of us half second poopers
- 16 days
Tell that to the dog named Oliver who lives with me…I swear that guy will take like 5 to 7 minutes some days…sheesh
Tonight’s news, Amazon limit on bathroom break for 12 seconds based on this study.
- s@piefed.worldEnglish15 days
My name is Constipation Georg and I live in a cave and take 12 hours to poop per day and I am an outlier and should not be counted in the averaged data
- Dicska@lemmy.worldEnglish15 days
My name is Low Sleep Stress Coffee Cream Cheese Shit Hubert, and I live in a cave, and take 12 seconds to poop and 11 hours 59 minutes 48 seconds to wipe per working day and I am an outlier and should not be counted in the averaged data.
My name is Diarrhea Vaclav and i live in a cave. I eat nothing but haribo candles. I take half a second to poop but the next wave starts immediately so if i move from the toilet, i leave a slime trail. I spend 23 hours, 17 minutes a day pooping (the remaining 43 minutes are Vaclav’s time) and don’t know when it began or ended anymore. My only hope for relief is that i am counted as an outlier and released from the study.
When everything is working as it should, it doesn’t take me much longer. That’s a rare day, though.
