how do I accept that my father is declining?

eli04@linux.community · 14 hours

my father was a university professor and an expert in his field, writing and publishing.

I’m not happy with my job and I’m deciding if I should keep it or study a bachelor, meaning less money for at least 3 years, working part time, relocating… for an uncertain future.

I explained my fears and the situation to my father thoroughly. This once brilliant person capable of giving me several points of view about several topics pasted my questions to an AI engine and sent me its answers, it’s like he didn’t even try to answer the questions himself. wtf?

It’s sad and scary: a person I once could confide in, ask for guidance is now… disappearing? It’s like he disregarded the emotional component completely.

He is now 78 years old. Am I being unrealistic?

And the AI answer? gets several things wrong and doesn’t tell me anything new but holy shit, the way the answer is phrased (my personal opinion, what I think is…), no wonder so many seniors believe they’re talking to an actual human, which is scary on so many levels, because the engine hallucinated several false facts and presented them so neatly packaged, seniors take them as correct fact.

dragnucs@lemmy.ml · 1 hour

You just need a moment to think about it and face it. The moment can be as long as you need. Be proactive and adapt.

I wrote you a lengthy comment then deleted it only leaving the first line above.

chelly__1@lemmychan.org · 3 hours

Can you really blame him for being tired after 78 years of bullshit?

You say he’s a smart guy, and that usually makes things worse because he can probably see a lot of the mistakes humanity is making but he’s powerless to stop them.

Probably one of the best things you can do in your adult life is show him that you can take care of yourself.

Dingaling@lemmy.ml · 6 hours

/If/ he’s declining (I like spankinspinach’s answer) through dementia, then as someone who’s watched their very intelligent mother, their step-father and their uncle all decline with it - my answer to “how do you accept this?” is - you can’t.

Oh, you can be rational, and sympathetic, and take steps to protect them and get them the care they need - but emotionally? Dude, it’s fucking hard. Seeing someone go through their own denial in the early stages, how they try to trick you into thinking they’re okay. As it progresses and they have to surrender, then the oblivion that inevitably follows. Watching my own mother forget every single fact about our shared memories to the point she didn’t even know who I was, then worse, when she thought I was my father. Then her regression to a little girl. (That sounds linear but it isn’t)

If he is going doing that route, then the only thing to do is try to prepare yourself for a whole world of hurt and anger. Be strong, be the parent for them, but die yourself inside.

spankinspinach@sh.itjust.works · 10 hours

There’s a cognitive offloading effect that happens with AI. I don’t know if it’s been scientifically validated yet, but anecdotally the speed, perceived accuracy and authoritative packaging makes AI easy to trust. A reasonable person could input a “help me evaluate this situation”, and an AI would offer a reasonable-adjacent response. It falls to the user to evaluate the quality of the response, and most ppl are not aware of this caveat. AI is a great tool for situational overviews and perceptive blind spots, but the user is and always should be the final arbiter.

Based solely on the info you shared, your father may not be declining, he may be a victim of being an average AI user.

Is his cognition failing elsewhere? Is he doing things that make no sense to someone operating at a normal capacity? Human aging is incredibly complex, and ailing appears differently for everyone. Don’t let a complex tool like non-expert AI usage define your perception of your father. It’s a probabilistic algorithm, eminently less complex than the human mind

LastYearsIrritant@sopuli.xyz · 2 hours

https://youarenotsosmart.com/2026/04/13/yanss-337-how-to-maintain-your-critical-thinking-and-avoid-cognitive-surrender-when-using-ai-to-solve-problems-make-decisions-and-learn-new-things/

CannonFodder@lemmy.world · 12 hours

Went through this myself. My father was a physics prof, and at some point he couldn’t really follow what I was doing at work. It was sad, but we all get there. Then a few years beck, he was late 80’s, my daughter asked him for help with some 1st year calculus and I was about to hop in and help him save face but he taught it like a pro, clear understanding of where she was stuck and how to guide her to figuring it out. And pointing out a couple of algebra errors in some other stuff that just caught his eye in her work. But at the same time, he’s hopeless at recognizing scams. He hasn’t fallen for anything yet, but forwards emails or texts to me asking if things are legit when they are so obviously not. Just got to be patient and understanding. We all get there eventually if we make it that far.

argueswithidiots@lemmy.world · 14 hours

He may not have disregarded anything. He is aware of your perception of his advice. If he feels like he is declining, but still wants to be there for you, this could very well be desperation to stay involved and still try and help. Unfortunately we all decline as we age, some worse than others. Make him feel appreciated even if you don’t get a tangible benefit from his advice any longer. Stay engaged with him, let him feel valuable. Older generations tend to decline even quicker if they no longer feel valuable and instead feel like a burden.

TrackinDaKraken@lemmy.world · 11 hours

Yes, some “seniors take them as correct fact”, but so do many people from every generation. I don’t think seniors are more susceptible to being duped by AI than any other generation.

itsathursday@lemmy.world · 14 hours

It is hard to accept. First thing is try to be kind to yourself and him. You will feel like you are mourning your memory of him but as best you can make the most of the current situation and find the new ways you can connect and share time or moments because these too will be in your past one day. A lot of what you used to seek from him, you will allow yourself to find elsewhere and it will be a different relationship, not better or worse just different.

As for the life decision, if you have an opportunity to better your situation, if you feel you have the time and energy, it’s always worth it on the other side, because even the pursuit is enough to open you up to things you can’t even foresee now if you were to stay grinding away and it will eat at you and make you miserable if it’s truly that bad.